OK - so maybe she won't make the grade . . . but who would?

When conversation turns to music – there’s no holding back – we all have our favourites.

But given the chance – who would you include in your ultimate rock band?

 I’m not talking a cast akin to the Mormon Tabernacle or Earth, Wind and Fire for that matter – but a five-piece gods of rock ensemble.

Notwithstanding all you fans of country and western, gospel, jazz, hip hop or techno – I’m looking for hard-nosed, bull at a gate, classic bastions of the grail.

But first – a few simple rules.

 1) Your band can consist of either the here and now, the dead and buried or a combo of both.

2) You need to include a drummer. Now despite what you may have heard – drummers aren’t a bad bunch. Not necessarily the top of genetic musical tree – but the lynchpin to any successful group. Perhaps its Keith Moon, Ringo Starr or Phil Collins. Maybe John Bonham, Buddy Rich or Mick Fleetwood – the choice is entirely yours.

3) Then you’ll need a bass player. Situated just slightly higher on the periodic table of elements needed for a band to make it big time. It could be anyone from Roger Waters to Paul McCartney, John Entwistle to your own personal legend.

4) You’ll need a lead guitar. What’s to be said? Insert here some of the greats of our time including Jimmy Hendrix, Slash, Eddie Van Halen or even an Eric Clapton.

5) A front man (or woman). Yep – you’re going to need a lead vocalist. Has John Lennon, Mick Jagger, Bono or James Brown got what it takes. Perhaps Sheena Easton – hmmmmm – perhaps not!

6) PLUS one more of your choosing – (tambourine and castanet players not included) So there you have it! Wax lyrical and get into that headspace.

We’re getting the band together Elwood.

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‘The sirens are screaming and the fires are howling

Way down in the valley tonight . . . ‘

Could it be that the unmistakable melodic prose of Jim Steinman mixed with the bombastic style of one Marvin Lee Aday – better known to us all as ‘Meatloaf’ – afforded the world one of the greatest rock albums (commercially at least) that we’re ever likely to see?

Bat Out Of Hell (released in 1977) surely resides in either the mind or collection of every music lover – regardless of genre.

Still selling an estimated 200,000 copies each year, we know there’s at least 40 million fans out there who have willingly parted with their ‘hard-earned’ just so they can recount the delights of what Rolling Stone rated in its Top 500 Albums of all Time.

In fact it’s only one of two albums that have never actually exited the top 200 in the UK charts.

Facts aside – the album cover alone is a frame-able piece of pop art –
while culturally it is probably best remembered for the rock operetta “Paradise by the Dashboard Light.”

Without doubt the most thesponian and spectacularly dynamic piece on the album, it features wailing vocals extravagances and what reviewer Steve Gdula penned as being a “testosterone-crazed tenor in an incremental game of sexual bargaining with the resistant, but willing, Ellen Foley.

“By employing exaggerated power chords, screaming vocals, over-the-top arrangements, and a sense of rock & roll as Broadway theater, Bat made Meat Loaf a star. “

One thing is certain – Bat Out Of Hell provided an Everest for both Steinman and ‘Meat’ – a summit that they’ve never quite managed to reach since.

Collectively though – we – their musical Sherpa’s will continue to delight in the achievement.

I think somebody somewhere must be tolling a bell . . .

Click here to listen to Bat Out of Hell

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What is it about 70’s music that evokes seemingly mature men to spontaneously adopt a Fender air guitar stance amidst normally civil (yet like-minded) individuals – and women to shun their inhabitations and regail in either the Nut-Bush or encouraging their girlfriends to join them on the dance floor – simply because “I love this song”?

One hit wonders including the likes of Patrick Hernandez or The Knack have a lot to answer for while groups such as the Bee Gees and their almost spirtual Saturday Night Fever album are just the tip of the whole disco iceberg.

Yes – Donna Summer, Roger Voudouris – the list goes on – and so does their music – no matter how good or bad their puritan talent may have been – you’ve gotta love an era where tie-dye was a fashion statement, where you could not only play vinyl but could wear it, where being a fan of big hair, big heels and big jewellery meant you were a big player.

But it was the ‘big acts’ – such as ACDC, Kiss and later Van Halen which led the Air Guitar renaissance – initiated by Chuck Berry and his legendary moves (so visually recreated in both Back to the Future I and II) with Johnny B. Goode.

There’s no doubt about it – the 70’s afforded us so much – yet the air guitar with its wailing six string riffs and hypnotic chord changes is a legacy which has defied the ages.

Go on – admit it – we’ve all done it before (either in the privacy of your own company) or on the dance floor – no doubt to the adulation of those adoring fans around you.

Why, there’s even a US Air Guitar Championship – with auditions in no less than 14 States including Boston, LA, Washington and New York – where those handy with an invisble “Axe” via for $1000 in prize money and a trip to Finland to take part in the World Air Guitar titles.

Yes – disciples unite.

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You’ve been given a mandate by Rolling Stone Magazine to induct five (yes only five) rock n’ roll legends into a hall of fame.

You do the homework, you agonise over the plethora of artists and finally you’ve narrowed it down to eight or nine – the question is who do you leave out?

Would love to hear your what you’ve got to say.

And just to help you get started why not check out http://www.rockhall.com//

Rock On . . .

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